MY 20TH BIRTHDAY!!!!

OKAY SO THIS IS LONG OVER DUE BC MY BIRTHDAY WAS JUNE 3RD. BUT I SERIOUSLY WANT TO KEEP MY BLOG UPDATED, IT IS JUST KINDA HARD WITH BEING BUSY WITH WORK AND WHATNOT. I will get on it soon, but enjoy the slideshow =D

I'll never know where the emotion ends, but I can rely on my sisters to help mend any heart break I shall ever recieve, and that's all I'll ever need.

So last night was one of those nights where I experienced a wide range of every possible emotion I could within a span of just a couple hours. I experienced it all with the ladies who know me best, my sisters. I love my sisters more than anything, especially because recently I don't get to see them as much since we live in different states. Whenever we all get together it is nothing short of just a genuine, fun time. I rarely have conflicts with these ladies because we are all considerate and appreciative of each other, value each others friendship, confide in each other and love each other unconditionally. But of course every relationship has its ups and downs.

My older sister kia and I had a disagreement over a statement made while we were getting ready to go out to a party. At the time it seemed like nothing else mattered and I was just drowning in my own angriness stemmed from the disagreement that I didn't even want to go out anymore. It was so weird because just a few minutes before I was beyond excited for the wonderful night I knew I was about to have. We managed to talk it out briefly in order to resume with out plans. I didn't really know how to go about solving the issue because we rarely disagree and if we do, our discussions rarely escalate.

This is my sister Kia and I after the disagreement, on our way to Stimulus after pride party in Philly.

Anyway, as my sister Tas and I enter the party, Kia is out finding parking with her girlfriend Laura. Tas and I are taking pictures and already having a good time.

Eventually, we realize our mother has been calling us non stop and we were too busy to answer. We decided texting her since we wouldn't be able to hear over the loud music. That's when we got the dreaded text message response that no one ever wants to receive.
"Your aunt Soogie is dying." Without warning those words were written across the screen of my sisters phone while we stood on the balcony of the venue in complete shock. At that moment I just wanted to hold my mother and tell her I love her dearly. Her sister, best friend, and such a beautiful soul was experiencing what could potentially be her last moments of life. Since my mother was in New York while we were in Philladelphia, there wasnt anything to be done at that moment. I could never be able to imagine that pain and it only made me want to hold my sisters and thank God for blessing me with such beautiful, loving ones.

When Kia and Laura found their way to us after parking they appeared to be in party mode. Kia was waving her hands in the air and Tas and I were dazed and expressionless. Tas was on the phone with our mom receiving the details. I had to break the news to Kia. She went from excitement to crying in an instant. Seeing the pain in tears in her eyes immediately triggered my tears while I was trying to console her. We were told she is breathing on a respirator and they were soon going to be pulling the plug.

This was our view from the balcony of the venue after recieving the bad news.

I don't know what is worse, to be told someone has passed away, or to be warned that they are about to pull the plug. My aunt Soogie was loosing the battle against her illness, Lupus. I felt like everything leading up to that moment was worthless, and I would trade it all just to save her life. Kia helped me grasp this tragedy by explaining to me that she was just too good to be in pain and suffering here on earth. Her work is done, and its time for her to go be with her son, my cousin who passed away several years ago.

I realized she was right and we came to the conclusion that whatever we were arguing about before was so stupid and pointless. I am just grateful to have my sisters. The little things in life don't matter. Just the life itself. That is something that can be taken away at any given moment and should be cherished and celebrated. We hugged each other and said we love each other. We wiped our tears and were able to go back to the party knowing that we were celebrating being lucky enough to have known such a positive, loving, beautiful person. Having her as an aunt is truly a blessing and we know for a fact she is going to be better off now.

In the end we had one of the best nights we have had together in a long time. I feel like a better person making up with my Kia and having something like this bring us closer together because we realize life is just way too short, and wasting time and energy over unimportant things is something we cant get back. I am coping with this tragedy like an adult and I wouldn't be able to without my own two sisters by my side the entire time.

New You Tube Channel

ForeverAshley6390
So here is the link to my new youtube channel all about beauty. The videos I will be posting will be about various beauty products, advice, tips, makeup tutorials and letting people know my opinion on what products are affordable and effective as well as those that are more expensive, yet worth the money. You guys can subscribe to me and send any requests you have for what you would like to see and I will try to accomodate the requests. Thank you guys for the support.

In my skin care video I gave a special thanks to Ms. CharmingRoyalty for her great recommendation of an exfoliator for my (dry) skin type. Check out her blog and her youtube channel. She is gorgeous, and an awesome beauty guru on youtube, super FUNNY, informative and down to earth. One of my inspirations and reasons why I was inspired to start my own channel.

Change of a season for a reason.

The end of winter for myself was filled with lessons learned.
Just as I became comfortable with life,
I was faced with problems smaller than the ones I have over come before,
and I forgot about the strength I possess.





- Never depend on anyone and always come through for yourself.
- Its okay to cry. But compose yourself around shady people.
- Not everyone is going to be on your page...and you shouldn't hesitate to flip it.
- Trust only those who wont think twice about having your back.
- Smile sometimes. Its contagious.
- Never lose sense of self. She will compliment your legacy when you're long gone.
- Its okay to splurge on yourself! Don't set a budget because you're beyond worth it.
- Fitting in is only half as beautiful as original.
- Procrastinators finish last. Obviously.

How two guys ruined my night

So I was walking in my neighborhood one night when i saw the cutest stray cat. She looked up at me fearlessly and my heart yearned to pet her but I really couldn't because she was a stray. After I said hi to her, I kept it moving, and something told me to look back. When I did, I saw a guy passing by her, she gave him the same fearless gaze and so he kicked her. I was so pissed and i felt so bad so I made my way to a 24 hr grocery store and bought her a can of 9 Lives cat food. As I am making my way back to her, I could see her from a distance sitting in the same spot. This time a different guy was passing by and he noticed her fearless gaze and reached his hand down to smack her out of his path. I wanted to kill this man. She ran under a car still peeking her head out. When I reached her again she no longer was fearless. She was scared and timid, hiding in the shadow underneath a parked car. I just wanted to wrap her up and take her home. I whistled at her but she wouldn't come out. So finally I opened the can of food and placed it in the middle of the sidewalk and took a few steps back. She came out slowly and began to eat.


Notice her purple flea collar...



I walked up to her and grabbed the can of food out of the middle of the pathway and placed it on a step against the wall of a building so she could be left alone, hopefully.



I waved goodbye. I saw her again since then and she came out of her little corner she was hiding in and she stretched one paw out in front of me. In my heart this was her way of waving hello. I was happy to see that she was okay.


There is another fearless stray cat in my neighborhood that i absolutely love. My sister nicknamed her Meeshie. She loves us back and even tries to follow us inside our front door. I feel so bad leaving her outside. There are so many strays in my neighborhood that adopting one wouldn't change anything.


Meeshie after climbing up our front gate.

Those two guys are going to get what they deserve. End of Story.

untitled Short Story

It was the day before St. Valentines Day and Damien was already showering me with gifts. Damien and I didn’t live together because we were not married yet, but he did have the keys to my cardboard box apartment. He took advantage of that. I woke up Monday morning, hungrier than ever. I washed up and went in the kitchen to eat whatever I could find. There was a box of Raisin Bran on top of the refrigerator so I poured the last of it into a bowl. I glanced into the cereal box and noticed a long, red, suede jewelry box. I pulled it out with a huge smile on my face. I opened the box and found a diamond tennis bracelet. The inside of the box read “Baby, if you eat this cereal now, you will be hungry again in an hour or two…at least you will look good. –Love Damien”

I closed the jewelry box and dusted the crumbs off. My heart was racing. How could a man be so sweet? I was not used to this kind of treatment from any man. Before Damien, I had only been seriously committed to one man. His name was Marcus. He changed my life for ever.

I first met Marcus when I was still living in Jersey City and in high school. He had just moved there after graduating high school. Marcus had me sprung, even though he was a cheater. There were rumors floating around the block about him being with a different girl every night without using protection. I didn’t care what people said and I damn sure wasn’t going to leave him. I was in love with him and I didn’t think I would ever get over him. He eventually left me. He disappeared one day and never came back. He left me with nothing. I was heartbroken and unemployed. He was my only source of income. Without him, I thought I couldn’t survive. I had no money, and no where to go, so I was forced to get a job to support my self. Now I work part time and I am in school part time studying to get my associates degree in business management. I had to move out of that luxurious apartment of course and get something I could afford. This cardboard box apartment will just have to do until I marry Damien and move in with him in his two story home. I can’t wait. I love Damien so much. He is such a gentlemen. He told me he did not want to have sex with me until our honeymoon night, when we would be able to make love. This puts me in a dilemma because I cannot wait until our honeymoon night to tell him my secret; how Marcus changed my life forever.

* * *

My day went normal as it always does. I went to school, and then went to work. I did work at a pet store on the Upper East Side. I was exhausted by the time I got off and I did not feel like putting up with the trains. I hate NYC transit. I hadn’t heard from Damien all day. I wondered if he knew what time I got off of work. I decided that I would call him when I got home. I grabbed my coat and bag. Then I kissed my favorite puppy goodnight and promised her that I would take her home with me as soon as I saved up enough money. She was so adorable. I did not want to say goodbye. As I turned around to leave, there was Damien standing behind me with a huge smile on his handsome face.

“How cute!” he said making fun of me and the puppy.

I instantly started blushing.

“Shut up.” I said. I gave him a big hug and a kiss.

“You want her?” he asked.

“What?” My heart dropped.

“Do you want the puppy?” He started flashing his million dollar smile again and I got weak in my knees.

“Well …yea but I can’t aff…”

“I’ll buy her for you.” He said softly.

“Oh my god! You will? For real?”

“Yeah baby.” He said pulling out his wallet and looking like he wanted to pat himself on the back.

We stood at the counter playing with our new puppy.

“So what do you want to name her?” he asked.

“Cookie. I already named her from the first time I saw her.”

“Aight. I wanna take you out to eat tonight. Then you and cookie can spend the night at my house so we can bring in Valentines Day together.

“Okay.”

I was kind of nervous about staying over his house. He promised we would not have sex until our honeymoon night, but only god knows what will happen when two people who are engaged to be married share the same bed. I still had not told Damien my secret and I wasn’t planning to because everything was so right. But I had to. I couldn’t keep leading him on like this.

Damien took me home to get some things, take a shower and change. Then we went back to his house to drop off my bag and Cookie, who had fell asleep on our way there. By this time I was starving and still nervous about spending the night with him, but I decided to face that problem when it came up. Right now I was ready to eat. He drove us down town to some fancy restaurant that I had never seen or heard of before. We were both dressed up and looking nice. The night was special so far. I did not want it to end.

While eating dinner we talked about everything from our parents, to our childhood, to marriage.

“I remember back in high school, my best friend M.T. and I, we used to say that we would never get married because one girl was not enough for us. We had to have every female we came across. Settling down was not a part of the plan. But now I am ready to settle down with you. I can’t believe how things change.”

“I know right?” M.T… M.T…it sounded familiar.

“What ever happened to your friend M.T.?”

“Oh…after our graduation, I heard he was moving out to Jersey City. I was going to Houston so we had to go our separate ways. I haven’t heard from him since that summer before I left for college. I wish I hadn’t lost touch though cuz he was my best friend since freshman year. He was like a brother to me.”

“Oh…well I’m sorry you guys lost contact.” My hands started to shake.

“It’s cool. I just wish I knew how his life ended up, if he’s as happy as I am.”

“Excuse me. I have to use the bathroom.” I walked off as fast as I could without making it seem too obvious. When I got inside the bathroom, I rinsed my hands and face, and then told myself that it couldn’t be.

* * *

Despite the long day I had, I was wide awake when Damien lay down beside me in his bed. He seemed wide awake also. My heart started beating faster as he slid his hand under my side of the cover and started kissing on my neck. Silent prayers kept repeating over and over in my mind. I prayed that tonight would not be the night that Damien discovered my secret. I prayed that if he did, he would not leave me over it. My stomach was in knots as I pushed his hand away.

“What’s wrong baby?”

“You said we would wait for our honeymoon night.” He sensed the fear in my voice.

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s okay if you’re not ready.”

“I am ready.” Words were starting to come out and I couldn’t control it. I wished I would have left it at that.

“So what’s the matter?” He looked like he was getting frustrated.

“Nothing.”

“Are you sure, cuz you don’t look too well.”

There was nothing I could say. Now would be the perfect time to spill my heart out to him. But the words just wouldn’t come out. My mind went blank.

“What does M.T. stand for?” I could not believe where I was going with this.

“What?” He looked lost and confused.

“Your best friend M.T... what do those letters stand for?”

“Marcus Timmons. Why?”

I sat up in the bed. My whole world felt like it came crashing down. There was no turning back now. I took a deep breath and exhaled.

“Marcus Timmons is my ex- boyfriend. We got together when he first moved to Jersey City. I moved in with him and everything. I actually loved a man for the first time. I thought nothing could go wrong until he started cheating nine months before we actually broke up. He eventually left me. Two months later, I discovered that I had been living with aids for eleven months. You want to know how your best friend M.T. ended up? He gave me aids Damien. He changed my life forever.”

“You…you have aids??” He sat up in bed and started rubbing his forehead as if he was in deep thought.

“And you got it from my best friend M.T.?”

“Yes. Damien I am so sorry that I led you on like this. I didn’t even know that the same man who gave me aids is your best friend until you told me at dinner. I don’t even know what to say to you because nothing can make it better.”

“There is nothing you can say. I don’t want any thing to do with you any more; I don’t get down like that.” He started to get up out of bed.

“Damien, where are you going?” I started to get up out of bed too.

“I’m going to sleep on the couch. In the morning you can pack your stuff and ill take you home.”

“What about the wedding??” My heart beat sped up.

He grabbed a pillow and a blanket.

"What about it?"

Procrastination

So im sitting here in my dorm room procrastinating my ass off ugh i really need to rid this disease. I have a 3 pg paper due tomorrow and an 8 pg paper that was due today. So much to do and so little time. Anyway, I need to get started so ill b.b.l...just had to get this off my chest. Ill try to post pictures of my black friday shopping if I need to take a break from this HW.